What is respect?
- an attitude of admiration or esteem;
- a feeling of friendship and esteem;
- the condition of being honored (esteemed or respected or well regarded);
- regard highly;
- think much of.
We can use the definition as a guide to work towards developing “an attitude of admiration or esteem” for our self.
Respecting yourself is not about how others treat you. We often go around demanding that others “respect” us. We may also believe that respect is earned. As in our examination of self-love, introspection is required in order to develop an “esteem” for ourselves that will attract respect from others. It is given freely.
So often, we blame others for their lack of value in us that we do not see that the way we treat our self is what others use as a guideline. If a person is continuously experiencing a lack of respect in a majority of their relationships, it would be important to become aware the cause is due to a lack of respect in their self.
Respect is about value and worthiness we have towards our self.
Getting to know yourself
Putting value on our self is discovering what significance we have to others with the unique talents, abilities and qualities that make us who we are and what we contribute to the world. This means that we become curious and start asking ourselves questions like “what do I want?”, “what brings me joy?” and “what do I love?, or even, “who do I love?” You can learn a great deal from your past relationships (or present), by examining what kind of person you are attracted to and like being involved with. If you were or still are constantly attracting people and circumstances that are not congruent to who you really are and what you want, it may be due to making decisions according to core belief systems that you never examined.
“You don’t get what you want, you get what you are.”
This is key. Knowing who we are and evolving and transforming to our most authentic self.
Watching your thoughts
I could not write this and not include “self-talk”. It’s time to monitor what we think and more importantly the inner dialogue we have going with our mind.
“Thoughts become beliefs that become your reality.”
This is key. Starting a journal of what we think to our self.
When we find ourselves in relationships or circumstances where we are belittled, undermined and dis-respected we have to observe that we are the common denominator in all of them. This means undertaking a responsibility to making a change within our self where we face that we have surrendered our voices, we have relinquished our power based on self-doubt and lack of confidence.
This means setting boundaries and actually determining what they are for our self. It means that the word “no” starts becoming a part of your vocabulary and most importantly that it is not accompanied by any explanations. Your boundaries have meaning to you and are not required to be shared with the world. It also means that we start believing that we are deserving and ready to receive without solely giving in our relationships. We must not mistake our giving for “unconditional giving”. If it were, we would not be constantly thinking “what about me”. If we ask our self this, then we know that our motivation is not pure.
This is key. Saying “no” without explanations.
Developing your voice
Our journey to self-respect will also encounter the opposition of those that wish to keep us manipulated and powerless. This is the way to develop our voice and em-power our self. Interestingly enough, developing our voice is done in silence. Arguing and fighting with those that are resisting our changes, keeps us engaged in the drama. The best way to be heard, is to keep quiet. I believe this is the most powerful way of exercising our voice. And this does not mean, avoiding those that are resisting you. Your voice is used calmly, firmly and with strength of determination and decisiveness as to what you want. No emotion is engaged when we state what we want.
This is key. Keeping emotions under control.
Once we have given time to getting to know who we are, what moves us and makes us “tick”, facing our opposition and adversities, trusting our self, we have found that we have begun a trek into our self. We become aware and realize this is a process of self-discovery and successes that accumulates evidence that strengthens our confidence and begins increasing our character and more importantly creating an unbreakable faith in our self that elevates a high esteem in which we regard our BEING.
When we value our self, we set an internal set of terms and guidelines that are appropriate to the level of value and worthiness we believe about our self. It is based on an internal belief system that values our importance to our wellbeing on all levels, spiritual, mental, emotional and physical.
When we adopt a positive attitude and more importantly, thought process and positive mind set, our belief and faith in our self grows. The importance of affirming and deliberately creating who we are reinforces our belief and faith in our self.
Self-respect is the highest form of self-love. When we have thoughts that we are good enough, and have established a belief system in our SELF that we have a unique contribution to humanity and the world, and believe that we are Divinely created and therefore have an innate power bestowed on us by God, it is easy to have admiration, friendship, honor, and high regard for our self.
This can only invoke good feelings and eventually develop a knowing that, not only are we loved, but we are LOVE.
In love and light, Antonella xo
DRB-Divine Radiant Beauty